M

Hi there...is somebody here?

It's okay...I'm not hoping that there will be a reader as this blog was created for me to place my own story...plus am using secret identity which make me easier to say things freely without consent to hurt anybody's feeling especially peoples who know me. Easier right? But if there is, am happy to share with you..

I'm not in a good feeling today. Sad, hurts, tired, puzzled...why? Hmm...there was an argument between me and M yesterday. It was my fault to hurt M with the way I addressed M. That was my second time addressed M like that as M seems like not listening to what I said. But it seems like I talked too much which annoyed M, plus the way I addresses M made him much hurt. Yea it was my fault... I just 'pasrah' with the lecture...

But...

My tears started to fall down when M said I always talk too much till sometime M prays that I'll stop talking...Oh...I didn't know that I annoyed people that much...

The drops went out faster when M said something bout my family...the word M used addressing my family hurts me badly. Yes I know they did wrong to M, they did wrong to me...they made mistake which hurts us a lot. But they're still my family..especially the person who gave me birth..without she I wouldn't be here...how bad she is she was the one who provides me living before, she cooked for me, she raised me with good home, food and education till I am who I am now..so it hurt me when people addressed something bad to her..I didn't know that all this while M was not comfortable when I'm talking bout them. M once said M don't mind if I want to talk about my family and that is why I did, and it is not because I want to praise them in front of M, but I missed my family...It is not that I am not happy with M, but family is still family..was living with them for 26 years. How could I not to miss them?

New lessons;

1. Not to addressed M as what I did yesterday anymore..not once.
2. Not to be talkative...let just say it here. Nobody will get annoyed. Only whom interested to read, you are welcome :).
3. Not to talk to M about my family unless to inform M anything important.

Heartbeat ^-^

Ngeee...last week I went to see O&G...just gatal-gatal though it's not yet my appointment date. Doc scanned me and you know what surprised me? I can hear my baby's heartbeat! Just can't believe it and automatically I drop my tears. Surprise, happy, excited and praised with His creation. I didn't know that baby already develop heartbeat at 8th weeks. And I didn't know that the ultrasound machine can do that..masyaAllah...

I need to read more and more to gain knowledge of pregnancy and the babies as much as I could. Just now I Google "palpitations during pregnancy". From yesterday morning till today I continuously experiencing abnormal heartbeat. I don't know why is that but it scares me, so I called my doctor and she said it is normal for pregnant women to experience that. The heart now working for 2 peoples' blood circulation, that is why I have that.

And lately I realize that I can't smell cigar's smoke, AT ALL. Though I do hate cigar's smoke since I know the world but I still can stand beside someone who is smoking. Maybe because I already adopt it since I was small as my father also a smoker. But now I can't bare it at all, last night was the worst. When my hubby smokes, I went to take my blanket and cover my nose. If I didn't, I'm sure I've thrown out the keria and seri muka. Hahaha..! And because of this my hubby promise me something and I know you can guess right? right? Hah...yes, he'll try to quit smoking before our baby see the world. I really hope he will, not because I don't believe him but I know it is not easy to do it. It need strong willing, high discipline and motivation. He is that kind of person but what's worrying me is his body resistance is not like other people. Not to explain in details, I just pray that he can do it. You go BOY! Ahaksss!

Having bad back pain almost a week. Have to drive with small pillow at my back nowadays. Ouch!

Sleepy...

I'm sooooo sleepy today...last night I slept late...almost 1.30 I think. Last night activity was cleaning the house (again). But 95% done by my honey...hehehe...sure laaaa. I'm not allowed to do the tough housework. He cleaned the bathroom, washed the water drum, mop the kithcen and cleaned the hall. Most of the time I watch him or I slept off...hehehe...pity him that he has to do all alone. I just cook for dinner and did some wiping.

I cooked vegetables padprik and fried some beef patties. He loves the padprik and asked to cook it again some other time with rice. We had our dinner at 10.00pm before we start cleaning the hall. So officially our house already clean and tidy by last night! Complete with furnitures and carpets. We only waiting for our dining set chairs as the manufacturer produce the wrong colour. So now if we want to have meal at dining set, there's only table...no chairs..so eat while standing okay..just pretend you're having buffet..ehehehe..!!

Chow!

There's something in my stomach! And it's not butterfly!

Alhamdulillah, I'm so grateful with this news. I was confirmed by doctor that I'm 5weeks pregnant.

Actually I did UPT test last week. It was only after I've been forced by my sis-in-law. She insisted that I might be pregnant since I looked unwell and my body heat is abnormal. So I bought the UPT kit. I planned to do the test on the next morning, but my hubby asked me to do it that night itself. And it showed positive! Quickly my hubby called his personal doctor and asked for an appointment. My stomach was scanned at 9.30 and there's nothing inside. Then my hubby insisted the doctor to do UPT. Also didn't show any good sign. The doctor advices us to come again on the week.

So I came, it was last two days. I gave doctor my 1st urine of the day, it was positive. But I was confused when her face look puzzled and worry. I asked why. She said its positive (yes I can see it but shouldn't you happy with it??) but then she continued that if we scan and still nothing inside you, I have to refer you to specialist because I'm worried it is ectopic (fuhhhh! that was so scaryyy but why don't you scan me first than only you say it?? ). Then she does it......and there you go...I can see the fetus!! Ohhh my baby...just cant hold my tears. The screen showed the baby is 4 weeks and 5 days which doctor consider it as 5 weeks.

I have to catch up so many things since I have to take care of the food, be much more carefull with my body and to take supplements as advised. It just so wonderful...pray for me and my baby health. Oh for my hubby too because he has to do all the housework since now...hua hua hua...pity him..

UNBREAK MY HEART

I don't know why I've been too sensitive lately. Is it because of my period is coming...or is it I'm missing my hubby so much that I took seriously of what he was joking...I don't have the answer. Please ya Allah, give me strength to live my self happily and to make my hubby happy. I don't want to trouble him...I want to be good wife, I don't want him to regret marrying me.

Am I so bad Honey? Always trouble you for repeating your say few times. Always worrying you for tears I've dropped. Always annoying you for being so blur or 'slow' in certain things?

I'M SO SORRY MY DEAR...

Missing you so much...

NIPPON PAINT

I'm happy today...so excited to see our house with new painting...! My hubby just paint it with new colour and he created a feature wall too! Owh soooo Eric Leong...! Hehehe...I saw it through MMS he sent to me. It's nice...

Oh ya...you must be wondering how could I talk about 'our house' when I just posted yesterday (or was it few days before?) that we're going to buy a house..right? The one we are living is the one he bought long time a go. Its a flat, we're going to buy landed house area. InsyaAllah...pray for our good rezeki okay..Amiin.

Wish that the owner of the 'house to be' will reduce the offer price so that we can buy at below market price and ask for market price loan. Our plan is to use the extra cash for buying the basic furniture and electrical equipment which include bedroom set, hall set, tv, washing machine (can't live without this!), refrigerator, gas cooker etc.

I'm hoping that He'll give us better life with His bless...Amiin.

Love you hunny!

Alhamdulillah..

Today my 1st financial plan already at place..thank you Allah..Now I'm moving to second step. Hopefully it can help me. After both plan is moving, my hubby and I can focus at buying our castle of love...can't wait for it!

I hope my family can open their heart to accept what I'm doing...Ya Allah..please...I'm asking your help for this...I love them, so much. Please make them accept my decision..please...Amiin.

To my dear hubby, I'm going through all this because we love each other so much. I believe we can live our way happily...we are strong enough to go through all this. Muaachhss...